what if (and other loops): the world is burning and so am i

i started composing this audio with the intention of depicting the intensity of my ocd loops, but the flow had something else in mind.

i have nothing left but my vulnerability. dealing with ecstatic happiness and deep love, far from zen, brings the inevitable emptiness and wounds that have not been healed. fear of abandonment, loneliness, endless hours searching for things to "fix" in the mirror image, rage reaching sacred measurements, defences, resentment. crying, laughing and dancing with the Great Mother. wanting to belong and wanting to withdraw. trying to find balance and getting tired of it. trying to be as honest as possible, with whatever information i am able to gather. not allowed to need anyone, but when you act like you don't, you're a hedgehog. what a tiring performance.

breathe with me.

footage filmed in goa in 2023.
headphones recommended.

︎ Listen on SoundCloud